August 4, 2015

Many things have happened in my life since the last time I posted here. I have not gotten a service dog yet, but I am doing pretty well. Both of my dogs have passed away, I moved out of state, I am currently looking for a new job, my mom was diagnosed with cancer but has been cancer free for almost a year now.

I am not really sure why I decided to start writing here again. My search for a service dog hasn't ended. I still could benefit from a service dog to make my daily life better. I guess the fact that I recently met a Doberman pinscher breeder online that has a line of service dogs and the communities on Facebook that I have become a part of have influenced me to come back to this. I really believe this is a journey that I need to document.

Like I said before, I moved. I actually moved very recently and I feel that a lot of new opportunities are going to open up for me. I feel like I could get a service dog sometime within the next 12 months if I get the right job and get the support I need from the right family members.

Volunteering at the Animal Shelter

This week I officially began volunteering at the local adoption center for my county's animal services. They are trying to become a No-Kill facility and I really want to support that. I needed to volunteer somewhere and get back into the groove of things anyway so the shelter was a perfect place to start.

I walked five dogs for two hours on Wednesday. I was exhausted! The dogs were beutiful though and they got  a lot of attention. I really hope that some of the people that commented on them while we walked went over to the shelter to check them out and maybe give them a new home. One of the big reasons that I decided to walk dogs at the shelter was so that I could learn more about dogs and training them. But, I found that I learned a little more about people this week than dogs. People really like dogs, a lot. I can't stress this enough. Everyone just started smiling when they saw the dogs go by. It was funny to watch. I really enjoyed my time volunteering. I'm considering going to volunteer today. I need to recouperate though so I might wait until next week. I need to build up my strength!

I am really hoping that this will help me learn some things that I am going to need to know before training my own service dog. Also, I'll gain some mental and physical stamina volunteering too. It isn't like working, it's easier for me, but it's enough of a challenge to keep me on my toes. I think that it will keep me going while I'm not working. I'm ready for a new challenge. I'm actually really looking forward to talking to my therapist about volunteering. It has been a while since I've had something really positive to talk about so I'm happy to have a good topic.

Big Bad Doberman Pinscher

I want a Doberman for my service dog. They have a bad reputation, but the truth is a well-bred doberman is an intelligent, easily trainable, low fuzz dog. (I need a low fuzz dog. Seriously. Scroll down and look at the pictures of my Elkhound. My husband and I make jokes that she procreates by making fuzz balls and there are actually furbabies all over our house.) But, I digress, the doberman is a beautiful dog. I absolutely love them. All of the ones I have met have made excellent impressions on me. I love the idea that I can go running with my dog and then come home and cuddle with them on the couch.

I had originally looked into getting a golden retriever or a German shepherd. They both have too much fur. I think that German shepherds are too high strung anyway. I've never met one that wasn't crazy. Crazy can be fun, but they are a little too much for me. The golden retriever is too generic for me too. I need a dog that matches my personality.

Before the onset of my bipolar disorder I was confident, happy go lucky, ready for anything and would try anything. After, I became frightened, jumpy, confused, I had no drive. I need a dog that matches what I'm supposed to be. I was changed, but I can change some things back. I need a dog that reflects that and I think that the doberman pincher does that for me. They are confident, capable, intelligent animals that can also lay back and just enjoy the day. I love that, I want more of that in my life.

Etsy Store

I'm starting an Etsy store to help earn money for my service dog. I am selling polymer clay pet tags. I got into polymer clay as a hobby a while ago because I needed something to do to relax. It really helps me chill and I really do like the things I've made to sell. I figure I've got something good going here, I can relax and make money off of it. Although I'm finding that setting up and maintaining an Etsy store is easier said than done. It's a lot of work.

I'm enjoying that work though. I have lots to write to fill in my about pages, there are lots of pictures to be taken, I need to get a banner made and I need to figure out the best ways to promote my site. I am not going to post my site's info until I have made it less embarrassing. I only have three items listed and my site is still a bit of a sloppy mess. I am making progress though, and, as I have learned well in the last year, any progress is good progress!

If any of my readers have sold anything on Etsy and would like to share some tips with me, please leave a comment! I need all of the help I can get. I really want this to work.

The Good Things that Have Happened In the Last Year

My last post covered a lot of the stressful things that happened in the last year. I want to cover all of the progress that I have made in the last year. I started therapy last February with the best therapist ever. (At least I think so.) She helped me decide to work on learning more about bipolar disorder, reducing my symptoms, and getting into a routine. These things helped me immensely. I would have been right back in the psyciatric hospital if I had not worked on those specific things.

What surprised me the most was how much having a routine helped me. I knew that there was some research on how much having a routine could help someone with bipolar disorder, but until you try it you really don't realize what it can do for you. I imagine it would help anyone. Getting decent sleep and good meals at the same time every day can really add a sense of peace to your day. To be fair, I still have some work to do, I stray from my routine, but I keep it together enough for me to manage my day to day life. I wasn't able to cope with the everyday before and this has been a godsend.

I learned something else kind of cool about myself. I am very sensitive during certain times of the year to mood changes and I have a "pattern" per se. At the end of the summer towardds the beginning of the fall I become manic and by the time winter or spring comes around I'm beginning to crash into a depression. This is cool because I can do something about this. I know when it will happen. This year I shared this with my doctor when I began to have symtoms of mania. She put me on a medicine called Abilify. It's commonly used to help patients with schizophrenia, but it also helps curb mania in bipolar disorder. I have been so stable these last few months! At least compared to the last few years. I know that a lot of it is the work that I have done in therapy, but if I wasn't on this medicine I don't think I would have made it through the especially rough times.

I have learned so many things about bipolar disorder and how it is treated. I am hoping that I can share some of these things through this blog. I know that the blog is mainly about my service dog, but I am hoping that I could help someone else who has bipolar disorder too or at least let them know they aren't alone. It's easy to feel alone with this disease.

Speaking of feeling alone. I have a few friends that have mental illnesses and actually one that has bipolar disorder. It has only been in the last year that I feel we've become really close or that I have reconnected with them. They have been really kind to me and have no idea how much they mean to me. I really hope that I can be as much of a support to them as they have been to me. They have really helped with that sense of lonliness that I was talking about.

The last year really wasn't as horrible as I made it sound in my last post. I've done a lot of work to move forward and I want to continue to do so. I can only do that by remembering the good things that have happened, that way I can remember that good things will continue to happen, even in the middle of stormy seas.

It's Been a While

I have not written in this blog in over a year and many, many things have changed. I married my very supportive and loving boyfriend Jordan. I sold my car, it was falling apart anyway. I am again trying to apply for disability for the second time this year. My daschund Princess passed away. That is a new hurt, that only happened last Friday. I'm coping as best I can, but I am very sad about it and it's throwing me through a bad mood episode. My husband lost his job at Walmart and is now working at McDonald's. Aslo my brother and his girlfriend's family moved in the upstairs of our house.

Two-thousand thirteen was a bit crazy.

But, I have come back to the idea of getting a service dog. It has been in the back of my head this whole time and I have really wanted to keep going with it, but my life has been in stasis. Things have been happening around me but even me getting married was a sort of inevitablity that just happened last year. (That doesn't mean that I love my husband any less, we had gotten married mostly because of insurance reasons though.) Being in one place like this can't work forever. I'm making progress in therapy and I've finally found medication that works. I feel like it's time that my actual life progresses. I want to work. If only so that when I go to a social event I can say "Yes, I work at ____________." 

At this point I just feel like I'm begginning to rant. I don't really know where 2014 will take me, but I'm hoping it will take me to a service dog.

Experiences With Clicker Training (and pictures!)

I made some goals for my current dogs so that they've got basic commands down before I get a new puppy. When I first got them I actually competed in obedience, conformation and agility with them. I just hadn't kept up with their training for reasons that are worth another blog post entirely. They didn't remember any of the commands I taught them back in the day. Basically, I'm going to be retraining them. I'm also trying something different. I am going to be clicker training them.

The goals for both of my dogs are to perform sit, stay, down, come and settle in crate reliably. I also want to continue reinforcing my dachshund's house training. She doesn't do so well with the concept. I want my Norwegian elkhound to relax for an exam and settle for nail trimming.

Today we worked on sit. I had started working with Princess and she was doing well. Laya found out we had food and decided to get up from her nap in order to join us. I used the clicker with Princess and it worked beautifully. I had to use hand signals with Laya because she is sort of deaf. It worked great. I had both of them sitting on command in less than 20 minutes. It was great and the dogs really enjoyed it.

I took some pictures of the dogs today, here are my pups for reference:

 This is Laya...

...and this little cutie is Princess